ielts ライティング

問題例
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task
Do the following statements agree with the claims of the writer in the ReadingPassage?
Recent advancements in technology have led to many changes in our daily lives, but some people would argue that we are becoming too dependent on technology and that not all these changes are beneficial. Give your opinion and support your argument.
You should write at least 250 words

解答例１
Yes, because children’re getting very fat. Old people don’t understand computers. It’s boring when my grandfather comes near while I’m playing computer games and my mother complains I spend too much time on the computer.
In offices, people don’t speak to each other any more except by email or ICQ. So nobody cares what really happens, it’s all like a video game where it isn’t real. It’s easy to speak to people on the other side of the world by email. So people don’t have to travel to business meetings any more, they can stay in their offices.
And what about microwave ovens? It means that people don’t learn how to cook and if they don’t have a microwave oven then they can’t eat! But they are useful and I like watching T.V and eating my microwaved dinner.
Before, there were many agricultural workers and most people lived in small villages and said ‘hallo’ to their neighbours every day. Now we all live in big busy cities and the air and water gets polluted and we don’t know our neighbours any more. But if people don’t know you, you can do what you want, so I like cities and I don’t agree.

Nowadays, there is a problem of childhood obesity due to their overuse of computers. In the past, children spent more time outside plying sports or running around the field, whereas now they often stay in front of the computers playing computer games.

解答例2
Advances in technology have led to great improvements in computers and home labour saving devices, as well as to completely new products. As a result, we spend less time on household chores and basic office work and have more leisure time to enjoy computer games, mp3 music, digital cameras and the like.

However, research has shown that children nowadays spend 30-35% of their free time playing computer games and that families spend much less time together than 20 years ago. The trend is towards individual pursuits at home and away from community activities in a wider context. Some people think that we are becoming too dependent on technology.

It seems to me that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, as people would not use technology unless it improved their lives in some way, or interested and challenged them. Millions of people choose to use it, so it is clear to me that technological development is a good thing.

Computer games can encourage a child to think for him/herself and gain valuable experience which is relevant to the ‘real’ world. Much contemporary children’s software is highly educational and teaches a child about the world outside the classroom in a way that was impossible before. Family carers who previously spent all their time doing housework can enjoy more leisure time and office workers can work more efficiently and quickly.

To conclude, I think that the benefits of technology outweigh the disadvantages and that those who say we are too dependent on it underestimate the convenience and pleasure derived from it.

good thing を使わずに technological development has surely brought a positive influence on our lives.

としたり、
また I think の代わりに
In my opinion, や as far as I am concerned,

などを使うことで、さらに洗練した印象を与えることが出来るでしょう。

（ielts最短攻略法のライティングセクションより抜粋）